dun attach to anybody..

hurm..previous experience really teach me a lot..

i always try to get along with someone..

i just want to feel sense of belonging..

but i should surrender..

i realized that better for me not to know someone deeply

(this is for friendship only)hehe..

i always assume that everyone is very good n nice..

one of my friend always remind me dun think like that..

becoz it will make me disappointed when i get to know them more..

even the most close friend i had since matriculation sometimes makes me down..

hurm..yes i know she is almost perfect girl..

she is what we called beauty with the brain..

but for me,that's not really enough to call perfect..

her attitude, her words really meant something to me..

i know u are beautiful,

but plz dun compare me to other guys that u are really beautiful than me..

everyone knows that u are beautiful,

but plz dun mention it in words that u are more beautiful than me..

it hurts me..

i think i know u very well..

but at the moment i heard that words,

i know that i'm wrong..

i dun really know u..

hurm..and sometimes..

i really feel down..

i know u are smarter than me..

but plz believe me if i'm teaching someone..

dun think that u know everything and i know nothing..

after that thing happened,

i prefer to go clerking or clinic alone..

i just dun want to let you makes me feel down..

afterall, i gain back my confidence when i'm alone..

now let's talk about other people..

i realized that i shouldn't msg them..

maybe i'm the one who need them,

but they dun need me..

they only will msg me if they need something from me..

i always feel that,

everyone has their own agenda,

so that they will close to u..

if not,

they will just ignore u..

this looks like my upset mood...

at the end of the day,

i realized that i no longer having best friend..

becoz me myself refused to have one..

i create barrier..so that i will not fully attach to everyone..

it's enough for me to had 2 times bad experience..

i dun want to go through it again..

without realizing it..

almost last day i'm posted in hukm for surgery..

i'll be leaving for teluk intan weeks..

but we still had teaching at 2pm..

and yet i still try to update my blog..

actually..i dun really update for other people to know..

i do update for myself..

i know..

one day,i'll be missing my medical student life..

so i wrote here to leave some sweet and bitter memories..

becoz i'm the who not responsible to present the case,

so i went back..hahaha

i did like what other people did on me..

hehe..what i can say..

today i manage to observe FNAC of thyroid..

n manage to take blood successfully..

thinking of teaching..

i'm the only one who manage to do long case and short case..

alhamdulliah..

i hope this will be a good practice for me..

becoz in internal med posting,

i didn't had chance to perform the short case in front of lecturer..

although we had 3 teaching,

all the session is coincidentally my patient..

so lecturer not allow me to do that..

but,by doing that teaching,

i realized how fortunate i am..

becoz my patient is all good cases for exam..

not only for one system,

but for all system..

lucky that that is my patient,

so i can examine very well and teach my friend..

so lazy to pack things to go to teluk intan~

day by day..

after a complete bed rest yesterday..

i still not recover from migraine..

but i still come to morning round and CME..

but after that,

i felt that my migraine worsening again..

i became sensitive to light and sound..

even if i'm talking,

i felt really nausea..

so, i decided that i can't join ENB clinic..

i go back to the ward,

searching for PCM..

but i can't find any..

so i went down to pharmacy..

in the lift..

i met one of our team registrar..

he ask, " how are you today?"

i'm blur..

"are u talking to me?"

he said,"yes,how are u?"

"i think i'm fine"

he answered,"but,u dun look fine,if u not well,just go back and rest,it's ok"

i just said ok

deep in my heart..

am i look really unwell?

hahaha..but after that,

i straight away taking PCM..

i'm thinking back..

should i go back?

but we got teaching at 12.30..

and i'm the one who supposed to present..

so,it's not fair if suddenly i din't turn up..

so i decided to rest in the surau..

at least taking a short nap..

then teaching wit one of my supervisor..a neurosurgeon..

i never had teaching wit him before..

i present a case regarding per rectal bleeding..

at last,he comment on my presentation..

"i think u can improved,

with this kind of presentation,

you should be able to pass ur exam,

it's very difficult for examiner to fail u,

but if u can answer some of my question just now,

u can get distinction"

at least,i know that i can pass..

becoz i always think can i do well in exam?

after that,

we got seminar on thyroid ca..

i only can listen half of the seminar..

then my throbbing headache come again..

then,i supposed to go for oncall..

but i go back becoz severe headache..

i sleep until 7pm when i received msg from my fren..

they ask me to come to the ward

with sleepiness,i went to ward..

following ward round with hungry stomach..

luckily i bring along some choc..

then during ward round,

my registrar ask me about hidradenitis suppurativa..

hehe..i dun really know..

but the doctor said,

never mind,read then tell me..

after that,

he ask me..

"rasa mcm kenal la..penah dtg seminar mr faizi ke?"

"muka mcm penah nmpak je"

haha..ak xtau la nape org slalu ckp mcm penah jumpe ak..

even my junior also said my face very familiar to someone..

weird...........

but then, i go back fromm oncall very early..at 10pm..

becoz my throbbing headache started again..

quote of the day

"life is short,dun make it shorter"

"learning should be fun"

"the most common mistake is your stupidity"

the most stupidity things is not knowing that u are stupid"