learn nothing~

i dunno why i feel like this..

after almost 3 months in medical,

still too much thing to learn..

everyday passed by very fast..

i just feel that too much ward work..

and i'm only tired doing ward work

back from work,i'll try not to study..

i need space for myself..

i need time to enjoy my life..

to prevent further depression..

but it end up like i learn nothing

what should i do..

should i divide my time more efficiently..

but if i at home with my husband...

we will end up watching movie together..haha

but it is really enjoyable..

at least at that moment,

i can forget all my problem at workplace..

but still i need to study for assessment..

but still i lazy..

i tend to do other thing such

cooking,reading magazine,watching movie,fb

i dun want to miss every single moment to enjoy my life..

life should be colourful, right?hehe

learn to separate my mind~

urm..since i work as a doctor,

everyday i have sort of generalized anxiety disorder..

every moment keep thinking about my patient

every moment thinking will my patient survive?

keep worrying for the day after tomorrow..

till i almost develop depression and cannot sleep at night..

my husband always advice me not to think about work if u are at home..

the moment i was given title DR,

i already feel a big responsibility put on me..

there is one episode that i should do peritoneal dialysis for my patient

but i need to postpone becoz he had coagulopathy..

so i pass over my job to oncall people

to transfuse fresh frozen plasma before PD..

at that time,it's already 6 pm..

becoz i'm really worry about my patient,

so i ask my husband to accompany me to see this patient at night

i went to ward @ 9pm

fortunately,the management was carried out as planned..

this really show that i'm too worry about my patient..

so,as time passing by..

i learned that i should let go..

don't think too much..

just do your job efficiently..

then let's God decide whether they will alive or dead..

you should rest properly at home..

doing your interest..fulfill time with something enjoyable..

life must be colourful :)

need vs desire

sempena xbenda nak buat..

aku nak update blog yang da berhabuk ni..

sebenarnye aku update2 ni sebagai kenangan untuk masa depan..

kali ni nak cakap pasal duit..hehe

nak kata jadi doctor ni kaya xjugak..

tapi hidup tu serba cukup la..

kat msia mmg nmpk mcm gaji doctor ni banyak..

tp kalo nk dibandingkan dgn oversea,

gaji doctor msia ni seciput je..

sebab tu kena fikir keje kerana ALLAH..

baru la rasa insyaALLAH semuanya cukup..

nak citer ni..

mula2 keje mana dpt gaji..

dapat gaji pun masa lepas bulan kedua keje..

bayangkan la mmg xde duit..

nasib baik famili dan adik beradik sgt membantu..

duduk umah pun kosong..

xde perabot satu pun..

sewa rumah pun mahal..

makan pun kena budget..

baju pun basuh tangan..

tido pun atas comforter..

bunyi nye mcm sedey je..

tp bersyukur dengan apa yang ada..

asalkan boleh tido dan esoknye boleh g keje,

tu da cukup..

sampai la satu weekend tu,

my parents in law datang melawat..

diorg rasa sgt kesian tgk keadaan kitorg..

kitorg rasa ok je..

then my parents in law bertegas nak blikan barang2 basic,

nnt da ada duit bayarlah balik..

masa tu aku postcall..

diorg ajak g kedai electric..

lastnye..

beli 1) mesin basuh 10kg

2) peti sejuk 440 L

then g kedai perabot plak..

3) beli set meja makan 4 org

4)beli tilam queen..

tu pun da abes banyak..haha

then bile da dapat gaji..

mula2 xnk beli,

tp bile fikir raya nanti org dtg umah,

tgk2 ruang tamu kosong,duk atas tikar je..

carpet mmg xde la,sbb aku n hubby allergic

so pg la ke courts mammoth menghabiskan duit..hehe

mmg trus bli on the spot..

5) beli set bilik tidur

6)beli set sofa

7)beli coffee table..

nampak mcm da byk plak benda kitorg beli..

the next weekend,

jalan2 kat carrefour..

8)beli blender

9)beli set mineral water yg ada hot,warm n normal water..

10)then beli sebuah TV LCD 42 inci

haha..tv tu adalah yg xdirancang..

merbahaya btol belanja mcm ni..

bila da beli tv..

kena la bli tv cabinet..

then pergi ke court mammoth lg

11) tv cabinet

hurm..nampak mcm begitu boros kami berdua ni..

tp tu bnde penting..

kena beli jgk..

aku ada byk desire lg..

1)kereta xbeli lg..

tgh fikir nak beli kereta apa..

nak bli kereta besar cket..

senang bile da ada anak..

nk beli grand livina ke

vios ke

atau honda city?

2)teringin nak beli phone baru..

nak bli iphone ke

samsung tab ke

ipad ke

banyak sgt pilihan..

3)nk bli kamera canggih..

DSLR ke..

tp aku xrajin amik gmbr pn..

haha..

jd kena pk btol2 before bli..jgn membazir..

xlupa jugak..

da daftar haji ngn hubby..

hidup ni kalo xingat akhirat,

xkemana nye kite..

pengalaman bekerja as doctor~

almost 3 bulan da kerja di department medical

mencabar giler..

sehinggakan samapai satu tahap aku menangis..

xmampu menahan stress..

tapi kerja perlu diteruskan..

never give up..

Allah is always by ur side..

itulah yang buat aku jadi kuat..

pengalaman kenam arah tu xpayah cakap la..

kadang2 aku sendiri pun xfaham..

ada la sorang MO ni yang memang akan maki hamun n jerit2 kat aku..

sgt2 xpaham nape..

dia bagaikan ada dua version..in 5 minute boleh jerit2 kt aku,

then in 5 minute boleh ckp baik2..

sehinggakan semua HO lain pun agak pelik melihat betapa emo nye MO tu pada aku..

aku pun xtau apa salah aku..

sepanjang aku duduk wad dgn dia,

aku memng stress memanjang..

siang malam terfikir pasal keje..

sampai xleh tido..

berusaha pegi keje 6.15 so that aku blh bt keje dgn perfect..

n dia xmarah aku..

yg pelik nye,

orang len punye la byk xabes review dia xmarah pun,

siap tolong review lg..

aku ni aritu tinggal satu je xreview lg,

dia jerit kt aku sampai satu wad tengok aku..

sgt xpaham..da la kubikel aku paling penuh,

orang len xsampi 10 pun xsiap review lg..

aku punye berbelas2 orang patient..

punye la aku tahan airmata time tu..

xkan nk nanges depan patient..

abes je round,

aku g ngadu ngn sorang HO ni..

memang menanges la aku..

disebabkan minggu yg terlalu stress..

ada satu hari tu aku postcall..

i'm really compliance to my MDI..

tp xtau nape..time tu bronchospasm gile2..

mmg xrelieve langsung..

sampai 2 orang MO aku dtg attend tgk aku..(ni bukan MO yg marah2 tu,masa tu dia cuti)

siap bg iv hydrocortisone 200mg stat..

still not resolving...

my MO want to admit me to the ward..

mesti la aku xnak..

then aku blk umah..

even belum kul 5..

MO aku yang suh balik..

sepanjang malam kt umah mmg teruk xleh nafas..

esok pagi rasa xmampu nk pegi keje..

so aku terpaksa decide untuk EL..

kt umah sorang2 pn breahtless jgk..

masa tu aku xaware pun jadual oncall da berubah..

rupenye aku oncall masa tu..

sbnrnye aku da inform sorang HO yg incharge kitorng ni..

tp dia xsempat mencari org untuk ganti aku,

disebabkan mak dia admit HDW..

lepastu,sorang lg HO yg incharge ni,

call aku dan marah2 mengapa aku xcari ganti..

the point is i dunno that i'm oncall..

no one tell me that they change jadual oncall

nak tak nak..dengan terpaksa nye ak g dengue call masa tu..

datang2 je aku tengok MO da review sume patient..

dan kebetulan tu adalah MO yang nak admit aku semalam

masa tu rasa bersyukur sgt

pasti Allah mendengar rintihan hati yg da xmampu lg nk keje..

masa malam tu,that MO came tu dengue ward..

dia sgt terkejot tgk aku wujud kt wad..

sebab dia tau aku EL..

MO tu punye la marah sape yg suh aku oncall jgk walaupun aku EL..

then straight away MO tu tulis MC untuk aku..

tp xguna pn MC..

becoz no one want to replace me..

sedey btol rasa masa tu..

esoknye aku still dtg ward..

sbb aku rasa member aku sorang tu mcm xwilling nk tolong cover cubicle aku..

then masa round,specialist aku bising la..

nape aku still dtg ward,

nape xde orang ganti aku..

mcm dramatic gile..

specialist pn suh aku blk rehat..

aku keje jgk sampai ptg..

tp esoknye aku EL lg(tp tu ari sabtu)..pagi tu pun g amik neb kt A&E..

ari ahad nak EL tp kawan aku xde sape boleh ganti..

aku g je la keje..

aku xkan lupa peristiwa ni..

aku pun xtau mcm mana aku boleh lalui semua ni..

jawapan nye kerana..

ALLAH is always by your side..