keresahan hati..

Allahuakbar..aku xdpt cari punca..

mengapa aku berasa begini..

rasa dada berdebar2 pn ada..

mixed feeling..

harini mcm2 benda jadi..

semalam..one of my group member..

asking our prof for teaching..

then prof said ward round 2.15pm..

so we did go to the ward..

waiting and waiting..

till 4 o'clock..

but we still didn't see prof..

it almost 2 hours..

should we waiting more?

at last..

we decided to go back..

urm..

unfortunately..today..we know that prof did come..

at 4.30pm..

urm..is it really our fault for not waiting???

aren't we looks like very lazy??

it depends on u to judge us

i dun care what ever..

but i'm sick of waiting..

i know u are now at high level..

we only medical student..

but remember that we are human also..

then during OT time..

prof did ask..

where are u all yesterday?

we just admit that we did wait for him..

almost 2 hours..

then prof said..

if u want to learn,u come..

if u dun want,then no need to come..

but...

there is one foreigner registrar..

jadi batu api plak..

he said to prof..

i already told them that u'll come..

then tersengih2 dia tgk kitorg kena marah..

go to hell la mengapi2kan prof..

at that time..

i really felt demotivated..

why people always see the bad things only?why??

urm..i just felt i dun care whatever will happened after this..

i'm thinking too much of consequences..

suddenly prof ask..

whose patient is this?

luckily i remember well the case..

then prof ask me to scrub n assist the op..

urm..again..

some funny thing happened..

my fren did not tie properly my surgical gaun..

till prof ask the scrub nurse to put selotape on it..

everyone is laughing at me..

i dunno what should i response..

becoz i actually blur..

just a few minute before it,

i had bronchospasm..only relief after taking MDI ventolin

then i just pretend like nothing happened..

i was really quiet during assist the surgery..

i dun have any mood to do it..

luckily we need to wear mask..

if not, everyone can see how my facial expression..

then..one of registrar told another registrar to teach me..

the arrogant registrar said..

budak ni diam je xtanya ape,msti la aku xajar..

the nice one said..

ajar jela sket..dia pn nk belajar..

dalam hati aku berkata2..

aku mmg xde mood nak blaja pn..

n i realize that i dun like surgery that much..

n i feel that i dun need to know much how the operate..

umr..again..something happened..

aku tlg cut the suture..

but the problem always arise as i'm left-handed..

dua tiga kali aku try gunting br putus..

yela,brapa kali sgt la aku dpt bt bnde ni..

mst la mnmpk janggal n kekok..

n the doctor n scrub nurse looks like want to scold me..

at last,

the doctor ask,

are u left-handed?

mmg aku left-handed..

slalu je ada problem kalo handle equipment..

then ptg pg OT lg..

ikutkan hati mmg aku xnk pg da..

tp terpaksa la..

urmm...dpt doctor arrogant lg..

ntahla..he keeps telling that,

if he is in kkm hospital,

dia da halau da doctor mcm ni..

kdg2 i wonder..

why org suke men halau2 ni?

if people dunno,

just teach..

so that next time they now..

kalo men halau je,

sampai ble pn xpandai..

aku pk jugak..

nape la mentality org mcm ni..

keep treat org sesuka hati,

men marah2,campak2 case note..

treat people nicely la..

so that everyone will work in happy environment..

maybe during u time u had been treated like that..

tp nape nk jadikan mcm tradisi dan membalas dendam??

pelik la manusia mcm ni..apa punya hati la..

mcm xmatang plak..

yela mcm zaman duk kt asrama plak..

yg senior ragging junior..

mcm2 btol la manusia ni..

then da habis pening kepala pasal belajar,

pening kepala n serabut pasal personal things..

hurm..

kwn2 or junior keep asking me everyday..

bile nk kawin?

pelik btol..

mcm la aku ni duk berkepit..

padahal jumpa pn once in a blue moon..

it's not that aku xnk kawin..

tp xdpt consent lg,nk bt mcm mana..

jgnla tiap2 hari pn asyik nk tanye aku..

penat nk jwb..

ntahla..tp mmg rasa sgt tensen..

xsabar nk pegi teluk intan..