adaptation~

as usual..

after coming from a long holiday,

it is difficult for me to start again..

i'm felt very sleepy throughout the day..

really tired..

although only sitting and listening..

why my body can't adapt to it?

i felt less energetic..

besides,

i started to cough and having wheezing again...

this really makes me feel tired..

but..

i reluctant to take any puff of ventolin..

unless it is very severe causing me dyspnea..

every time i meet patient,

i always get some infection..

i'm sick of all this..

Alhamdulillah..

today i managed to 'perform' 2nd case for forensic..

thank you Allah..

apart from that,

tomorrow i need to present UGIB

it seems Allah hear my prayer..

i wish i can present history and PE part..

after 'undian',

i really got that..

Ya Allah..

i really feel you near and beside me..

how grateful i am..

Ya Allah..

i'm hoping for something better for tomorrow..

hope everything will fine..

thank you Allah..

new life begin~

today is the 1st day of surgery posting..

hoping for the goodness..

i hope everything go smoothly..

insomnia..

i hate this..

as usual..

when there is something new for tomorrow..

i'm not able to sleep..

my mind keep thinking what i'll be facing tomorrow..

plz..

i want to sleep...

i need to sleep..

i need to function well tomorrow..

i thought i will fall asleep after taking bath..

becoz i will feel more comfortable to sleep..

but not today..

huhu..wanna to study?

but it seems that my brain not function properly rite now..

i really need to sleep..

sleep...

sleep..

and sleep...

a piece of holiday and loneliness....

i never thought that i will have 5days for holiday..

felt like very long holiday..

that the only holiday that i got..

too much things to do..

i managed to cut three kurung moden..

good enough..

and also i can cooked anything that i want to eat..

lots of fun with saiful and aliah..

but it's already end..

despite having all the fun..

there is something make me feel lonely..

where was him?

he seem too bz..

maybe i'm not so important..

that really make me sad..

i dun hope anything from u..

i'm scared to place some hope..

can i just hate you?

can i just throw all my thoughts about u?

can i act like you are not here?

it's really difficult when u are there..

but i need to act like u are not there..

i can't lie to myself..

i dunno how to solve it..

i already give u some solution..

but i dun think you can make it..

let's just dun hope for anything..

let's put u aside..

let's dun think about u..

let's live ur life...

dun let anyone make u sad or make u down..

alhamdulillah for everything

thank you Allah..

today will be very hard if i dun have you..

i really depend on you..

i really worry that my minicx will not finish..

i already thinking what other solution i have..

included the bad one..

but my superego surely won't let me doing bad things..

alhamdulillah..Allah heard my prayer..

i really feel relieved..

big relieved..

i know you are there for me..

it just me..

that sometimes forgot about you..

how selfish i am..

pray,pray and pray..

belief that Allah will help you..

****END OF INTERNAL MED POSTING***

welcome to real world of medicine!!

a quote from my supervisor..

this week i'm very tired..

even weekend we still need to come to ward round..

and today i got fever..

with headache,myalgia,arthralgia, chills and rigor..

i feel very terrible..

and again i develop wheezing during ward round with my supervisor..

this is the second time she heard me wheezing

and straight away she diagnosed me to have bronchial asthma..

and i worried..

i can't study..

with this pain all over..

oh Allah..

i'm glad..alhamdulillah..

afterall..

i feel really grateful that finally..

i found one study group that really convenient to me..

really love the study group..

i dun have any pressure or stress to come to study group..

but i feel more excited to come..

thanks friends for inviting me to join ur study group..

really benefit to me..

enjoy study together..

everyone seems completing each other..

no more scare to present..

they will accept what you present..

they will correct u if u are wrong..

the best is they will never let you down..

instead of it..

they will make u more understand the concept behind..

i fall in love with my study group..

INSPIRED BY...

today i accompany my fren to meet our previous supervisor during 3rd year..

he is a vascular surgeon..

i dunno why i feel really inspired after listening to what he said..

he ask me..

how about your preparation for professional exam march next year?

i answer..

so far so good..everything is fine,but sometimes feel stress..

then he replied..

i think it is very easy for u to pass..u are so clever..i never anticipate any problem with u..so,you should pass the exam..

wahhh..i'm so suprised..

he is very confident with me..

while i'm not confident with myself..

there is someone really confide with me..

make me think again..

i should be more confident..

thank you for inspiring me..

weekend..

1) last friday had really productive day..PRHO in ward medical 1..but very fun with our supervisor..

2) last oncall was very terrible..we tried to clerk patient..but unfortunately the list that doc given us is not updated..last minute only we know that patient actually in the ward..hurm..sad..after a good day,we had been accused to be lazy becoz didn't managed to clerk the patient..

3) we had jamuan hari raya in our kafe..while other people went with their beautiful dress, we went there with white coat and full of sweat..too tired..we ate till full..

4)i went to putrajaya..but before that buy sup meletop for my sis..and my bro buy otak2..quite delicious..

5) i slept till the morning..woke up and breakfast nasi lemak with nescafe tarik..

6) i help my mother fried "kuih telinga keling" or what so ever the name..cute and tasty..

7) cook for lunch..fried chicken only..haha

8) in the evening, sent my bro back to UM..also took saiful along with us..

9) at night after maghrib, went to alamanda with my family..my lil sis wanna buy hp..then when to carrefour and MPH..

10) very hungry..went to taman warisan pertanian to eat..but really hate it..almost all food not there..only litle left..

11) back to home and sleep..

12) had a bad nightmare..

13) decide not to go to my frenz wedding..becoz my aunt also doing kenduri..

at the end of the day..it seems that i did't touch books..haha..

plz dun regret..

after a hectic weekdays,

i think i should give myself a good rest..

when you dun have the spirit~

i should say this is very bz week..

i'm tired..

oncal EOD..(although not tired like real doctor)

but i'm still very2 tired..

i need some rest..

but i need to study for the learning issues and for each question that i couldn't answer..

i feel really tired..

to the extend BURNOUT..

last week also oncall EOD..

plz la..as a student, there are a lot of other things that i need to do..

becoz too tired..

i fall sick..

the result is i can't focus to teaching..

becasue i feel malaise,headache and low grade fever with a lot of sputum production..

but i can't take MC..

after almost 5 years in medical school..

i realized something..

medical student always sick..

but sometimes they still need to come to the class even though they have MC..

pityful right?

i always talk to myself..

at the end..

dun forget that we also human..

sometimes i need to force myself to come to the class..

i still remember the time i got viral fever..

imagine that u have all bodyache..

very painful if u want to move..

but i still need to come..

because we got exam..

doctor difficult to reschedule the exam if i absent even with the MC..

i dun deny that medical is very tough..

this is only the beginning..

there is still long journey for u to go through..

plz..be tougher..

new posting..new spirit..kehkeh

starting on monday..

i started new posting ' internal medicine'..

during 3rd year, i had this posting as my first posting as i entering clinical years..

so, it was a long time ago..

there is a lot to revise and improve..

but i really love this posting..

i dunno why (according to my mentor,there is shouldn't be " i dunno why",u need to find why...hehe)

this week is dermatology posting..

well..at first a bit nervous..

that's ur fault becoz u din't revise it..

hahaha..but actually i did revise and fall asleep..hehe

that's always happened..

the first day started with quiz..

hahaha..looks like i dunno anything..

but surprisingly..actually i know how to answer the question..

i can shout out some of the answer..

it is not i want to show that i'm intelligent..

but it just what i know..

it is becoz some people will get irritate if i can answer all question..

sorry,i dun want to show off..

i just want to boost my confident level..

then i went to clinic..

usually clinic is consider best if u got the right doctor and the right patient + the right partner (your coursemate)..hehe..

this clinic really makes me feel maybe i should consider dermatology for my master..hehe

really happy got to see what i learn in books..

1)pruritus

2)discoid eczema

3)tinea capitis

4)impetigo

5)plague psoriasis

6)cutaneous vasculitis

7)scabies

8)acne vulgaris

9)fungal infection on web space

and the best ever thing is the doctor willing to teach us..

thanks a lot doctor..

the next day..

i went to dermatology ward..

clerk and examine patient with pustular psoriasis..

so sorry for her..

i empathy with her..

then u should thank to Allah u still healthy..

the disease not only affecting her health, but also her quality of life..

on wednesday..

i went to daycare to observe and learn about phototherapy..

too high tech..but just learn the basic and purpose..hehe

then i went to sexually transmitted disease clinic (STD)

u will be surprised as STD showing rising trend..

fortunately i managed to see one patient

she had genital wart due to HPV infection..

the doctor also teach us a lot..

thank u so much..

on thursday..

we had tutorial on management of common skin disease

really enjoy it..

getting to know more about dermatology..

then we have presentation of long cases..

a lot knowledge i gained..

today i dun have anything..

and i din't go to HKL..

becoz according to my schedule,

my group didn't have anything today..

yes i can go if i want..

but i dun like to disturb others people opportunity to learn..

just follow ur schedule~

hehe..in conclusion..

i really love this week..

plus another thing make me happy..

i have new study group which is very fun and interesting..

i dunno why when i with them,

learning process become more easier and fun..

not like my previous study group..

which i feel very stress and tense..

my current study group really make me motivated to study..

love them so much~

unfortunately..he died..D.I.D

dead in department..hahaha

so sorry..

patient is 59 y/o,malay

presented with palpitation, chest heaviness..

currently having SOB..

he is on antihypertensive medication,statin and aspirin..

we witness him collapse..

ECG show that ventricular fibrillation..

i'm the one who supposed to do CPR..

CPR was done quickly..

unfortunately, shock was not given..

we getting confused..

because heart rate short bradycardia,

but the rhythm is irregular..

team leader argue with the person who supposed to give shock..

hahaha..i also dunno what to say..

since i'm not the dominant one,

no one will listen to what i'll saying..

but i can't blamed any other member..

after one week of raya holiday..

everybody seem to forgot how to manage it..

sorry prof..we make u disappointed:(

mega code~

tomorrow we have an exam..+ OSCE..

but..i dun really study..huhu..

why i'm so lazy..

i'm tired..

i sleep all the day..

it's not that i dun study at all..

but i study only a few topic..

i feel that i wasted my time..

but somehow i feel glad..

becoz i remember all what i study even though it's only a few..

huhu..sometimes i lostttttt....

i dunno what to study..

sometimes too much too study..

but i dun have time..

hahaha..when u are laz..

a lot of excuses will appear..

plz la..dun keep finding excuses for urself..hehe

try hard for tomorrow..

although the marks is not really affect ur overall performance..

but dun forget it is for ur satisfaction~

solution~

hmmm..finally i realized something..

something is lacking here..hahaha

lately i know that i already burn out..

i dunno why..

but today i know why..hehe

previously i used to play games or watching movies as a reward for myself completed task for that particular day..

rewarding myself really important..

but as i entering my final year..

i stop to reward myself..

thinking that i should study seriously..

no play2 anymore..

but actually that made me worse..

tense to the max..

the moral of the day:

1)plz reward urself by playing games,watching movies, update blog,etc

2) suppress a bit ur superego so that u dun feel guilty during rewarding urself

3)quantity time for study not really important..quality more important..

4) dun ever let urself burn out again

raya 2010

today is hari raya puasa

we only celebrate at home

all of my family are at home except my eldest brother and sis in law

i think the way we celebrate still the same as last year..

ALL MY FAMILY MEMBERS

looks like i'm the shortest in my family

my beloved nephew AHMAD SAIFULLAH and niece ALIAH SUMAYYAH

very cute rite?hehe

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

ENJOY UR HOLIDAY

p/s:sad..need to go back to college on sunday:(

finally..@home..

well..i went home on sunday..

but i skip half of my oncall..opss..sorry doctor

my brothers came to fetch me at 9.30am..

that's so early..

hahaha..that's means i need to go home

but we went to SOGO first for raya shopping..

i only bought sandal and scarf clip..

a lot of beautiful and gorgeous clothes..

but i dun have money..

went back to home..

the only things i did is:

1) kuih mazola

2)cornflakes madu

3)sewing beads on my baju raya

no mood to study..

OMG..i still not realize the exam become nearer..

but i still have a lot of fun

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

hari ni balik rumah..

sempena nk blk umah..

aku da rasa kemalasan nk oncal kt A&E..

bukanla lama mana pun..

paling lama oncall pn 6 jam je..

tp 6 jam tu rasa lama gle2..

sgt berbeza dgn posting o&g..

O&G wpn kena oncal 24hours,

rasa sgt berbaloi..

doctor put trust on us

let us do as much as possible

made us feel useful and helpful..

and yet it also make us independent

although they make roster one people at one time,

but we can really work independently..

really boost my self esteem..

but it is really different in A&E

we seems can't do anything..

if we ask, they won't let us..

but if p*r*m*d*c ask, everything they can do..

sometimes we feel a bit unfair..

why we cannot do it?

why they can do it?

why we need supervision?

why they dun need?

it should be we are the one who didn't need supervision..

but u need to accept,

A&E is their place forever..

we feel bit uneasy..

seeing them "berlagak pandai" and really show off to us

well..i know that all of u really know every single thing in a&e

but we dunno..

it is becoz we only posted there 2 weeks..

but u are forever for 4 years..

it makes a big different..

but we still try to do our best..

some of my friend feel that no need for us to do clinical posting there..

just gives us some lectures and skill lab..

becoz everybody seems can't do anything..

we feel useless there..

sometimes i quite agree with my friend..

we just able to observe and observe..

we want some fun to hands on..

but we can't..

although i really want to experience a good case..

but each time i oncall,

i pray hard..no severe case will come..

hahaha..hopefully everything go smooth today..

i want to go home with happy heart and mind..

have a safe journey and shopping^_^

summary..haha

actually too much thing to write..

although i'm very tired(post call A&E)..

i still want to write something,

which i can't do throughout this week..

becoz too tired..

this posting really kill me..

too little time to study..

but try to grab as much as you can..

i dunno why i'm so tired on that day..

i brought my lil sis to go to the shop..

sick finding car park..

suddenly..

i scratch the vios via making it "kissing'" with another car..

it was very terrible..

i'm really scared..

how should i say to my sis?

then i decide to go home straight away..

then find wax to remove the stained

luckily only slight "depression " on the car..

but the scratch is terrible..

it measured about 1 inch x 1 meter..

too bad..

i almost cry..

but in the noon,

with the sun on my head..

i still try to wax it..

i took a simple chair and umbrella..

we waxed it..

until my mom go out..

and realized what happened..

my mom asked us to stop waxing becoz it is too hot..

but we insist to wax until everything looks like normal..

almost one hour we waxed..

finally..

it really works..

the go in..

my sis said " if scratch only, it is ok, just leave it"

yeah rite it is scratch only..

but it really prominent..

Di situ Ada Ketenangan..

aku buntu..

apa yg perlu dilakukan..

kadang2 rasa xtenang..

jawapannya kembalilah pada Allah..

di situ ada ketenangan yang abadi..(ayat xleh blah..hahaha)

but, this is real..if never try, u can try it..

mungkin xtenang sbb byk dosa..

tp siapa tau byk mana dosa dia..

jadi..sentiasalah bertaubat..

Sumber rujukan: Solat Taubat (Panduan Penjernihan Jiwa)
Muhammad Isa Selamat

ALLAH swt sentiasa memerintahkan kita supaya bertaubat, sebagaimana firman-Nya yang bermaksud: “Hai orang-orang yang beriman, bertaubatlah kepada Allah dengan taubat yang sebenar.” (At-Tahrim: 8.)

Allah telah membuka pintu harapan kepada hamba-hambaNya: “Katakanlah; wahai hamba-hambaKu yang melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan dosa-dosa semuanya. Sesungguhnya Dialah yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.” (Az-Zumar: 53)

Syarat-syarat taubat :

1. Ikhlas ingin bertaubat
2. Tidak akan mengulangi perbuatan dosa itu lagi
3. Menyesal atas perbuatan yang telah dilakukan
4. Harus mempunyai tekad di dalam hati tidak akan melakukan dosa itu untuk selama-lamanya
5. Dikerjakan sebelum ajal tiba

Jika salah satu syarat tidak dipenuhi, maka taubat yang dilakukan itu tidaklah sah. Jika dosa berkaitan dengan manusia yang lain, maka syaratnya ditambah lagi, iaitu harus dapat membebaskan diri dari hak orang yang berkaitan. Contohnya jika hal itu berbentuk harta, harus dikembalikan. Jika berbentuk hukuman, ia harus menyerahkan diri mohon dimaafkan. Jika hal berupa cacian dan sebagainya, maka ia harus memohon keredhaannya.

Waktu melaksanakan taubat :

Taubat tidak boleh diundur-undur atau ditunda. Kerana jika demikian ia sangat berbahaya bagi hati manusia. Jika tidak segera menyucikan diri sedikit demi sedikit, maka pengaruh dosa itu akan bertompok-tompok, dan akhirnya akan merosakkan hati sehingga tertutup dari cahaya kebenaran.

Di antara penyebab yang akan membangkitkan jiwa bertaubat seseorang itu adalah jiwa yang selalu mengingati hari kematian dan hidup bersendirian di dalam kubur. Kata-kata mati adalah sesuatu yang sangat menakutkan kebanyakan manusia. Mati beerti berpisah dengan segala yang disayangi atau dicintai. Hari terputusnya segala nikmat. Sedangkan berpisah sebentar sahaja dengan anak atau isteri, dapat mengalirkan air mata kesedihan, apa lagi berpisah untuk selamanya

Firman Allah: “Sesungguhnya kamu akan mati dan sesungguhnya mereka akan mati pula.” (Az-Zumar: 30)

Di samping mengingat tentang azab penderitaan yang bakal dihadapi oleh orang-orang yang berdosa mengingat kenikmatan syurga yang bakal ditempati oleh orang-orang yang soleh juga akan dapat membangkitkan keinginan jiwa untuk melakukan taubat dengan segera.

Cara melaksanakan solat taubat :

Cara melaksanakan solat taubat ini sama dengan solat biasa, iaitu setelah berwuduk dengan sempurna, lalu berdiri di tempat yang suci, menghadap kiblat;

• Waktu di lakukan – bila-bila masa merasa telah berbuat dosa (kecuali waktu makruh tahrim utk melakukan solat)*. Sebaik-baiknya 2/3 malam (pukul 2 pagi ke atas), semasa Qiyamullail
• Lafaz niat: “Sahaja aku mengerjakan solat sunat taubat dua rakaat kerana Allah Ta’ala.” (Cukup di dalam hati, ada perbahasan ulama’ tentang lafaz niat dlm ibadah – sila rujuk kpd pakar feqah)
• Rakaat pertama membaca (disunatkan membaca doa Iftitah) kemudian surah Al-Fatihah. Selepas itu mana2 ayat atau surah dalam al-Quran.
• Rakaat kedua membaca surah Al-Fatihah. Selepas itu mana2 ayat atau surah dalam al-Quran.
• Semasa sujud akhir rakaat kedua, ucapkanlah Doa Nabi Yunus sebanyak 40 kali (bersungguh-sungguh di dalam hati memohon keampunan dari Allah Ta’ala),



Ertinya: “Tidak ada Tuhan selain Engkau. Maha Suci Engkau Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku adalah termasuk orang-orang yang zalim.”

• Selepas salam, perbanyakkan istighfar seperti,

Ertinya: Ampunilah hamba Ya Allah. Tuhan yang Maha Agung. Tiada Tuhan yang lain melainkan hanya Engkau. Dialah Tuhan yang Maha Hidup lagi Maha Perkasa dan hamba bertaubat kepada Engkau ya Allah.

• dan berdoa dengan Penghulu Istighfar,

Ertinya: “Ya, Allah Engkaulah Tuhanku, Tidak ada Tuhan selain Engkau, Engkaulah yang menjadikan aku. Sedang aku adalah hamba-Mu dan aku di dalam genggaman-Mu dan di dalam perjanjian setia ( beriman dan taat ) kepada-Mu sekuat mampuku. Aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari kejahatan yang telah ku lakukan. Aku mengakui atas segala nikmat yang telah Engkau berikan kepada ku dan aku mengaku segala dosaku. Maka ampunilah aku. Sesungguhnya tidak ada yang dapat mengampuni segala dosa kecuali Engkau.”

p/s: selamat beramal di malam2 terakhir ramadhan..